I hate to admit that I am having a hard time. I feel like it shows weakness and I don’t like to be portrayed as weak or a victim. I don’t see others as weak when they go through hardship, but I do see me as weak. I have a giant microscope to myself and blinders on to others.
E is a hard kid. It takes a lot of energy and patience to get through the day sometimes, or if I am being honest, more often than not. So add a bad day or week, or weeks from A or from another household member and I’m at breaking point.
I see others around me with hardships. Harder kids than E. Hard things other than kids. I see them with different struggles and trials. Because of this, because they are harder than mine and they are getting through it and not complaining, I feel like it shows weakness to complain or admit that that I am having a hard time. I have so much good and so many blessings in my life that admitting that I am not handling things as well as I’d like just seems whiney.
E has tantrums. E is also not talking. He will be 2 in 2 months. I don’t know if the tantrums are a result of his frustrations with not being able to communicate or if they are a behavioral issue of their own or possibly both.
People relate the stories of their toddlers tantrums to me, and while they are trying to relate and tell me that they went through the same thing and it ended up fine, it often ends up worrying me more. Their described tantrums are like a headache, where E’s are a migraine. They make me realize just how different and intense his are.
I had a hard pregnancy with E and I couldn’t wait for him to be born and end the hard pregnancy. He was born and ended up being an extremely difficult newborn and baby. I couldn’t want for him to grow up a bit and get easier. Now he is in the throes of toddlerdom and I think it is time to stop wishing for it get easier and just accept the trials as they are.